![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
melba toast.
Feb. 5th, 2011 12:12 ami really don't know what i'm doing.
it makes me seem as though i do, when i don't. i can only muddle and suggest.
i just wish i could do something to make use of this knowledge. when i get into something, it's insatiable, particularly if it's history related, or even medical-related.
it's just... writing about myself feels so mundane. i can write about myself through explaining scenarios, or how to make things work better, but just about me me me me me... i do it all the time, but i'm finding it tedious.
hah. i did it again.
where can i find a job that is reasonably low-stress, limits my exposure to dealing with too many people, and where i can use my knowledge to something useful?
what is my knowledge?
history.
medical issues, manifestations of crohn's disease and cystic fibrosis.
it's so ODD. i want to help people, but i want to be left alone.
if i know these things, these things i would otherwise NEVER have found out about, i want to use them to teach people, to help people. THEY MUST BE GIVEN A PURPOSE. pain is meaningless apart from it manifesting itself as a form of disease, unless it can teach people about the disease itself.
i want to work from home.
and, my gods, do i want to write about it. i want to use my words to slip their ways through people's ribs.
i want them to REMEMBER my words. not necessarily me as a physical form. bullocks to my physical form.
the words are what matter.
it makes me seem as though i do, when i don't. i can only muddle and suggest.
i just wish i could do something to make use of this knowledge. when i get into something, it's insatiable, particularly if it's history related, or even medical-related.
it's just... writing about myself feels so mundane. i can write about myself through explaining scenarios, or how to make things work better, but just about me me me me me... i do it all the time, but i'm finding it tedious.
hah. i did it again.
where can i find a job that is reasonably low-stress, limits my exposure to dealing with too many people, and where i can use my knowledge to something useful?
what is my knowledge?
history.
medical issues, manifestations of crohn's disease and cystic fibrosis.
it's so ODD. i want to help people, but i want to be left alone.
if i know these things, these things i would otherwise NEVER have found out about, i want to use them to teach people, to help people. THEY MUST BE GIVEN A PURPOSE. pain is meaningless apart from it manifesting itself as a form of disease, unless it can teach people about the disease itself.
i want to work from home.
and, my gods, do i want to write about it. i want to use my words to slip their ways through people's ribs.
i want them to REMEMBER my words. not necessarily me as a physical form. bullocks to my physical form.
the words are what matter.
