bronch 101?

so, tomorrow is my first bronchoscopy.

i'm trying to decide whether to become the quivering child or the chaos-welcoming person inside that accepts everything that comes with CF.
it feels like a bit of both.

who else gets to think about how a PICC will look with their dress they bought to attend a wedding? OH yeah... sometimes, it's fun to scare the shit out of people. it's tedious, because you have to face their flat faces, but fun, because it reminds them what THEY could have to deal with if they only knew.

i admit, i'm hesitant about it because i don't know what will happen after tomorrow.

there is fluid in my right lung, and they don't know why. they're doing a CT to see what state everything is in, and examine everything close-up. and then, they're going to do the bronch to take a first-hand look, and wash away anything that's sticking things together.

i don't know what i'm growing anymore... and i don't think they know, either.

i haven't told my RL friends. 

i'm not going to until i know what's going on for myself.

there's a ball of ache at my coccyx.

there is no pain in my lungs... and i can't decide whether this is a good or bad thing.